So this is what that mommy guilt feels like

Friday, September 10, 2010
Looking back on my pregnancy, I feel like I was so naïve on so many things, especially Breastfeeding!
Having had an unplanned emergency c-section (birth story coming soon), breastfeeding was extremely difficult for me. It took nine days for my milk to come in and the first nurse assigned to me post-delivery was not knowledgeable on breastfeeding so that didn’t help matters either.

I think it took 2 weeks to get Aaron to latch properly and get the hang of breastfeeding. The first 2 weeks were extremely difficult because I truly felt like a failure. While pregnant, breastfeeding was really the only choice for me. I mean on my baby registry, I didn’t even register for bottles, I registered for a pump and a slew of bf accessories. So I was completely unprepared at how "unnatural" it seemed to be for me at first. I mean it seemed so easy & natural for others, so what was wrong with me!?

I am proud to say that we did we finally get the hang of breastfeeding and I enjoyed it! I found it calmed me down to be able to do something that only I can do for my baby. The problem was when I returned to work when Aaron was 14 weeks. The first couple weeks weren’t that bad, I was able to go to the “Mother’s Room”, as it’s called, 3 times a day for a good 15-20 minutes at a time. I would bring my laptop down and answer emails as I pumped away, but as the weeks went on, my office was in the middle of renovations, we had staff turnover, we have an annual meeting coming, I was lucky if I was able to pump twice a day. I then noticed a huge decrease in my supply and had to once again, supplement with formula!

So this week at 4.5 months, after my supply just kept going down and down and having a frustrated baby who didn’t want to take to the breast anymore, I threw in the towel. I just couldn’t deal with the stress anymore! After all a happy mama means a happy baby right?? Well then why do I feel so guilty!!!! Sigh.

I went ahead, packed up my PIS, and put it away for baby #2. :(


You have been good to us! Sniff Sniff



At least I can say I know what not to do/what to do for the next baby. At least I can say I gave it a good 4.5 months. At least I can say I am proud I didn't give up right away. But I still feel like a failure! I still feel guilty! I still have the tears! I know time will heal this process but WOW! I was not ready for all these feelings on breastfeeding! I am glad that I care this much! I am glad that this experience has served as motivation to help others, how? I don't know yet but I will find a way.


A Weekend of First

Wednesday, September 8, 2010
This was Aaron's first Labor Day Weekend and it was amazing! The time spent with family, making memories really is priceless. This past weekend was just an awesome way to welcome fall. Here are some pics.

Friday evening Aaron went to his first pep rally! His older cousin is the cutest cheerleader in the whole wide world, so we got to have fun evening watching her strut her stuff!
Isn't she gorgeous?! I love my neice!


She looks soo adorable! It makes me want a baby girl like tomorrow!

Then on Saturday, Aaron went to his first Capoeira event. His cousin Dayne was performing and Aaron enojoyed the drums, dances and moves so much that he passed out in the middle of the event!
Capoeira is this really cool brazilian martial arts movement that looks like it would be just soooo much fun! I captured the pic below on my sad little point & shoot so I apologize for the blur.



Sunday, aaron went to his first Labor day cookout with the family. We ate together then enjoyed some time together at a nearby park while the kids played and some of the bigger kids (adults) played football.


Aaron also tried cereal for the first time and really didn't care for it, so we tried oatmeal and got this awesome reaction from him:



I love the fall! I love my family! Can't wait to see what else the rest of the year brings.


Childbirth Education

Wednesday, September 1, 2010
When I was seven months pregnant, I began to explore my options in childbirth, working where I work helped me a lot and I was able to get my hands on a lot of research. I decided to take childbirth education classes and went through Lamaze. I had great experience and I was recently featured on the new blog Giving Birth with Confidence, where I talk about the impact the class had on me. The article is below but feel free to click here for the original post.


Why did you decide to attend a childbirth education class?

As a first-time mom, I didn’t know what to expect. I wanted to take a class to help prepare my husband and myself. The last thing I wanted to feel was anxious or nervous – I just wanted to be focused on meeting my baby.

Why did you choose a Lamaze class?

The main thing that attracts me to Lamaze is the Healthy Birth Practices; they are so simple and so natural. I did not want to go in to the hospital on birth day and follow blindly whatever a doctor or nurse said just because they are professionals — I wanted to be an informed woman. I have always been like that; my dad always told me that I started asking why to everything as soon as I could talk. To me, Lamaze was all about educating yourself to make the best decisions for you and your baby and that made me feel comfortable. I also did not want to have to learn a technique; I wanted something that would come naturally and relax me.

What was the format of your classes?

I took a class one evening a week for 2.5 hours for a period of 4-5 weeks. I took my class thru the DC chapter of Lamaze.

What were your impressions of the first class?

Our class only had four other couples, so it was very intimate. I didn’t know what to expect, but our instructor involved the dads first. She got them to talk about their fears and expectations. Listening to them talk made me and I’m sure the other moms feel more relaxed and free to voice our feelings as well. Being 7 months pregnant when we took the class, I really liked the relaxation exercises and massages we practiced too!

Talk about some of the more notable details of your class.

The one thing I noticed is that we were all first time parents. One of the first questions the instructor asked was if anyone was planning to take advantage of the pain relief options at the hospital. She was not judgmental, but rather let the course information present itself to help women make their decision. All of the moms present at the beginning of the course were planning on getting an epidural because of their perception of childbirth. I remember one of our classes had to be rescheduled because our teacher was also a doula. She came to class the next week and told us about her client’s birthing experience. She told us the client was moving around during labor and trying different positions – several of the moms didn’t even know that was possible. At the end of the class, two of the moms decided to find a midwife instead of continuing to see their ob/gyn and one mom decided to find a hospital that would allow a water birth.

How have your emotions and thoughts and the way you feel about childbirth changed after taking the class?

For some reason, when people see that you’re pregnant, they decide to tell you about their labor experience and of course, they are all scary stories of people laboring for days with 4th degree tears! So naturally I was very nervous about giving birth, and I didn’t think I could do it. That fear is what drew me to take a childbirth education class.

During the class, the teacher made it seem like birth wasn’t so bad. That was the first time anyone described birth to me that way. She showed us a video where a woman was laboring at home but was sitting on the floor watching TV with her husband – she was so relaxed! Nothing like the movies! I was starting to feel like, “I can do this!” The class left me wanting to educate myself even more! I searched for more videos, blogs and articles on natural birth and the more I learned, the more natural it seemed. It seemed like the only way to go and made me wonder why people were not exploring this option more. I came across one woman’s blog who had her natural birth with her family and friends present and after the baby was born, they celebrated with champagne. She looked so happy in the pictures, even while she was pushing I didn’t see pain in her face, but rather determination. I knew that was the experience I wanted!

~.~.~.~.

Be on the lookout for the birth story coming soon!


UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Monday, August 30, 2010
As you can probably see, my blog is getting a nice design upgrade! It should be up and running shortly and I will be back to posting. Let me know what you think!


Life Lessons

Tuesday, August 17, 2010
This summer has been a summer of learning and it sucks! Hehe - I was never the girl that loved going to school OK.

It seems when things go on in people's life a lot seems to go on all at once. This summer has been a whole lot of that! The most amazing thing was meeting my son (still feels weird to say that), even though nothing went as planned with the delivery, it was awesome finally seeing his little face.

Thru having him I learned that there are things you just have to learn on your own. I was just so unprepared for how unsure I would feel about EVERYTHING when it came to parenthood. I would ask myself daily "why didn't anyone tell me this!"

I also learned that sometimes people disappear when the babies come, which sucked. I was warned about that but I think that cut me more deep because of how emotional I was after the delivery, and that is another thing I wish someone told me about! hehe. How anyone can be susceptible to post-partum depression, it does not discriminate.

I also learned that as soon as you think you have figured something out BAM, disaster strikes. I guess it's just a way to keep life interesting. Also, a way to learn what you are really made of.

The worst thing of all that has happened to me though is my camera! it has broken and thus I am heartbroken! I have not been able to take daily pictures of the lil man I am obsessed with and it makes me cry! I had plans to make a book of his first year (which I am sure he'll hate one day) and not having a camera right now is ruining that! (ok, temper tantrum over).

Anyway, I did a search for camera's for clumsy people and came up with the fuji film -finepix:


But I also want a semi-pro camera because I know taking pics of the handsome man in my header is now part of my everyday life! So if a photographer happens to be reading this post, please share with me your recommendations for an affordable semi-pro to pro digital SLR camera that is easy for beginners and allow room for growth. Thank you!

Giveaway

Sunday, August 15, 2010
As you know I am starting cloth diapering this week. In my research on EVERYTHING cloth diapering, I have come up with a list of very helpful resources, which I will share on another post. One thing I will share now that I have come across is a diaper sprayer. As many times as I have read how awesome this is to have when cloth diapering, I think that I am now brainwashed because I MUST HAVE ONE!!!! So I was ridiculously excited when I saw this giveaway over at mynewlifeasmom.


If you are cloth diapering or interested in it, GO enter like now!!!

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS!

Friday, August 13, 2010
Now that we have a baby one of my goals is to really learn to budget and find ways to save money. I have been researching the art of using coupons (yes, it is an art to me becase it is NOT easy), and well It's time to stock up on a few things. Due to skin allergies on my little one we want to try cloth diapers, and I also need to stock up on pampers sensitive for when he is at grandma's.

Neeless to say, I was excited when I my issue of Parents magazine arrived because they had coupon codes for Diapers.com and Amazon.com!

So I got my 2 little gdiapers gpants and 6 cloth inserts for ONLY $48.09 with parents 10% off code and diapers.com has FREE shipping! If I paid origial price I would have paid $56.58.

I then researched and came accross this post from Upper Valley moms for my pampers sensitive shipment. I enrolled in Amazon's subscribe & save (which I will actually keep), and added my parents magazine code and I only paid $20.00, saving me 50% AND I also got FREE shipping. So I saved $28.49 and got FREE shipping for both my purchases.

Not bad for a newbie! I must say I'm quite proud.

 
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